Riggedy riggedy white, i'm so bored tonight
by DopeyTheChosen1
Summary: Bobby switches bodies with S. Dane. B flumes to Second Earth to get help from Mark and Courtney...but instead they think he is SD and beat the crap out of him. okay, now it's time to vote on a title. vote even if you don't want to read the whole thing. R
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE: SWITCH

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Bobby Pendragon liked playing basketball, eating pizza, and hanging out with his two best buddies, Mark and Courtney. He was your average high school student. Oh yeah, except for the fact that he was a Traveler.

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"Shoot!" Bobby tried to jump back from the approaching light. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Saint Dane try to do the same thing. That's all he remembered, after, as he says, conking out.

When Bobby first woke up, he was lying face down on the hard, dirty floor in the flume cavern of Eelong. He shifted his head slightly to breathe better and…came face to face with…himself. He rolled away and jumped up, making himself dizzy. He was way taller than he remembered. Maybe the light had given him a growth spurt of some…kind…but that didn't really change the fact that his body was lying a couple of yards away from him.

Had his soul left his body? Was he dead?

The answer, apparently, was no, as his body was beginning to wake up…or come back to life. His body rubbed his head and stood up, coolly surveying his surroundings. "What the hell?" His body looked down at himself and then up at Bobby. "That the hell?" He said again.

"I'm wondering the same thing." Bobby told…himself, I guess.

His body stepped back a few paces, then let out a long laugh. "This is great. Now that I'm you I can move back and forth and no suspicion will arrive, while YOU on the other hand will see what it's like to have ten worlds of angry people after you. HAHAHAHAHA!!"

That's when Bobby realized it. "No way…" He looked at his hand, it was so pale it was nearly white. "I…I'm YOU!"

"No duh, who else would you be?" The…I guess you'd call it the body-bobby said. He laughed again. "No what will you do? You're me, you can't possibly go anywhere, and you don't know how to change your form. Hahaha. Second Earth!" The flume came to life, and in a flash and a jumble of musical notes, he was gone.

Bobby sank to his knees and pulled on his now long, gray hair. "OH. MY. GOD."

"I'm freakin' Saint Dane."

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Sorry, really short chapter, and not at all funny…guess it's more of a prologue, but it'll get funnier…right?


	2. veggie tales

I don't own pendragon…why would I be writing a FANfiction if I did?

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CHAPTER ONE: VEGGIE TALES...sort of...

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Bobby knew he had to get back to Second Earth to warn Mark and Courtney, there's no telling what Saint Dane could do looking like Bobby! He quickly flumed back to his home territory and crept out into the abandon subway. As he hurried along the tracks he came across an unwelcome sight. The dog quigs.

His first instinct told him to run, but it was sort of difficult to, after all, he wasn't used to being in a seven foot tall body. So he fell flat on his face. As he lay there trying to find a way out of it, he heard the quigs approaching. They were barking, but it sounded different from the other times he had met up with them... It sounded almost happy.

He decided that he may as well go down with a fight. He stood up to see the quigs in a circle around him. The circle parted, and a larger quig, most likely the leader of the group, came forward with a stick in its mouth. It dropped the stick at Bobby's feet and backed away. It watched him, then crouched down…and began wagging its tail. It barked happily and soon the other quigs joined in.

That's when it hit him. The quigs were dogs. Dogs liked to…play fetch.

"Fetch?" He asked, jumping as he heard "Saint Dane's" voice. "You wanna' play fetch?" The dogs barked louder. Bobby picked up the stick and they stopped barking. He threw it and they all began barking again, chasing after it.

That's when he heard the worst thing he could have heard. The subway train was coming. He turned around and saw the light at the end of the tunnel—but he wasn't going to heaven. If he died in this body he was pretty sure he would go right the other way. As the train approached Bobby froze. He didn't know why. All the other times he could quickly jump out of the way.

By the time his brain finally clicked on the train was so close he could see the panic stricken driver.

He landed on his feet—shockingly—on the platform and got his breath back before running up to the street above. That's when he realized how badly he would stick out.

How wouldn't he? Seven foot demon with long gray hair and cold blue eyes—oh yeah, he would fit right in. Oh well, maybe this way people will avoid me. He tried to stay optimistic when he looked for a pay phone. There was no way he would get past Mark and Courtney's parents looking like this, so he would have to call and see if he could talk with one of them.

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It was a quiet and relaxing day at Mark Diamond's house, mainly because Mark wasn't there. His mother was watching TV when the phone rang. She took her time getting up to answer it, after all it was probably some stupid telemarketer. They had been bothering her all morning.

She answered it on the third ring and said, "Hello?"

"Hey, Mrs. Diamond? Is Mark there?" Came an unfamiliar voice from the other side of the line.

"Who is this?" She asked, turning down the TV.

"Huh? Oh, B—Ben, from school."

"I'm sorry, but why do you want to talk to Mark?" Was some crazy guy after her son?

"I need to, really badly." The guy sounded desperate.

"I'm sorry." She said and hung up. She was halfway back to her chair when the phone rang again. "Hello?" She sighed.

"Hello. This is Pat Liverstone from the highschool." This was followed by a snort. "Is Mark Diamond there?"

"Why are you calling?" Why was everyone after her son?

"It's about the Sci-Clops meeting. It's been changed."

"Oh, the sci-clops meeting? I'm sorry, but Mark isn't here, he's at his grandmother's."

"Oh, will he be back today?"

"Yeah, that's what we plan on." Mrs. Diamond assured him.

"Well, I'll try to catch him later." There was another snort before the line went dead.

"Well…" Mark's ma said as she turned the volume up on the TV. "That was weird."

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Bobby hung up the phone and unpinched his nose. He hoped he had made a fairly convincing nerd. So, Mark was at his grandmommy's? That wasn't too far away, Bobby had been there before, and he was pretty sure that he could make it past her. She was pretty loopy.

He had to duck, for fear of hitting his head, as he got out of the booth. He saw a little girl staring at him.

"you're tall." She said. "And weird."

"Well, you're short and puny." He answered, before leaving. Whoa. That sure didn't sound like Bobby Pendragon.

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Granny Diamond was in her late 80s. She was suppose to wear big, thick, prescription glasses, but she didn't and had to squint, not that that helped any. She was doing what crazy old people do, sitting in a chair with the TV turned all the way up talking to an assortment of cats when the door bell rang.

She slowly made her way over to the door and opened to see a big tall man standing there. Her first impression was—MONSTER. She did was old ladies do and grabbed the nearest object—a potted cactus plant—and hit him in the head. He yelled and tried to get away, telling her he was from school and needed to see Mark. At the mention of her grandson's name, she stopped hitting him with her latest weapon—a highly pissed cat—and said, "Well, if you needed to see Marky, why didn't you just say so?"

The man looked at her, his mouth opened, and she told him Mark was down in the cellar. He ran in that general direction and she returned to her seat. "A very nice monster, once you get to know him." She said to herself and her cats.

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Mark was downstairs with Courtney, worrying about Bobby and the stuff he usually worried about when they heard the door open. Expecting that it was Mark's grandmother, the two hushed up and looked down at Courtney's math book, because every one thought Mark was suppose to be helping her with her homework.

The footsteps they heard coming down were short—and skipping a few stairs at a time. Definitely not Mark's grandma.

"Who do you suppose that is?" Mark whispered.

"I don't know…" Courtney whispered back, closing the book. "Could it be Bobby?"

"Maybe." Mark nodded. The sat still, Courtney holding the book. Whoever was coming down the stairs stopped for a minute, as though they weren't sure if they were in the right place or something.

A voice came from where the stairs ended. "Mark? You down here?"

The two knew exactly who the voice belonged to.

Saint Dane.

"W-what do w-we do?" Mark felt her hands get all sweaty.

"Get behind the couch." Courtney said, grabbing the 5 pound math book. "Now."

Mark didn't have to be told twice, he dove behind the couch, looking for something to use as a weapon.

Saint Dane walked right up to Courtney, said, "You have no idea how glad I am to see you." And sat down on the couch by her. She stared at him. "Look, I know this sounds creepy, but I'm not Saint Dane. I'm Bo—"

Before he could finish, Courtney hit him in the face with the book, pushing the cactus needles in further. She hit him a few times before diving behind the couch with Mark.

"Now what?" Courtney said. She hadn't been to this house before, and didn't know her way around.

Mark thought about what they could use. "Come on." He began crawling further into the cellar. Courtney followed, wondering if there was a dead end ahead. Mark came to a stop about halfway in, and dove behind a pile of big sacks. "We can use these," he said, opening one of the sacks.

" Potatoes and Onions?" Courtney asked in disbelief, raising an eyebrow. Mark's granny must have had a good garden, 'cause those suckers were BIG.

"Have you ever been hit by a speeding, half to two pound one of these?" Mark raised his eyebrow.

"No…but that's a demon. Saint Dane is the strongest thing in Halla."

"No he's not," Mark glared at her. "Besides, you hit him pretty badly with your book. And those needles say my granny got to him before you, too."

"Hmm…" Courtney didn't say anything but grabbed a spud. "Let's try it."

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Mark was in Sci-Clops. Sci-Clops was full of nerds. Nerds played strategy computer games on the internet and shared their strategies with anyone who would listen. Mark would listen.

And Mark had paid close attention, and he was glad for it, now he knew how to fight Saint Dane. As Mark and Courtney laid out their plan and moved into position, they could hear Saint Dane moving around, looking for them. He was saying things like, "I'm not Saint Dane guys, it's a long story, but I got sucked into his body, it's me, Bobby. I swear." Of course they didn't believe him, why should they? It was really hard too, that's why.

So Mark got on one side of the enemy, and Courtney on the other. Both could see the target, who was looking for them, muttering.

Mark couldn't believe he was about to attack the evilest being in Halla…with veggies.

When Saint Dane moved into the range of fire, Mark yelled, "NOW!" And potatoes and onions rained on him. Mark wasn't a very good thrower and most of his shots bounced off without harm.

But Courtney was a different story. She used to be a top baseball player. Her pitches reached around 139 miles an hour. Demon or not, Saint Dane was going to be feeling that in the morning.

First the demon tried to fight, but found it useless to ward off Courtney's attacks. He didn't even bother with Mark's attacks. And the fact that the duo had peeled the onions first and that the juice was getting in his eyes didn't help. Eventually he escaped. Mark and Courtney could here Mark's grandmother ask him where he was going. Her answer was the door slamming shut.

"Whoa." Mark said quietly. "We jus beat the crap out of Saint Dane with spuds and onions..."

Courtney tossed an onion up in the air. "Yeah," she grinned the biggest Mark had seen her grin in a long while. "Wasn't that frickin' awesome?"

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I cannot decide on a title, so please vote on one:

A Reversal of Roles  
Converted Saint  
A Traveler Screw-Up  
Inner Demons  
Getting to Know My Nemesis

all of these are thought up by SoupKitchen...as well as the spud idea (that's from 'The Saint Dane Stalkings. Check it out, funny!)

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This may be the longest chapter I've written on any fanfiction…is that sad or what? Most of mine are, like, only four pages long…(on a 'word' document thing a magiger.)

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whatever…


	3. Leave my biotch alone!

CHAPTER TWO: LEAVE MY BI-OTCH ALONE!

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Bobby Pendragon was walking through the streets of Second Earth, grinning at his new freedom. As, you know this of course, he was Saint Dane. He walked by a newspaper stand and glimpsed at it. His jaw dropped and he grabbed one of the local papers and read the front-page title:

_**LONG HAIRED IDIOM ALMOST RAN OVER BY TRAIN**_

And there was a picture of that brat in his body in the middle of the tracks! What was Pendragon trying to do?? Get himself killed?? "What the hell?" He exclaimed.

"I know," the owner of the stand said. "Can you believe it? They totally made a typo!"

"That idiot," Saint Dane muttered, ignoring the salesman. "He'll get me killed for sure." Saint Dane had been on his way to check up on Bobby's friends and see if he had gone there yet. He would have to make sure their parents didn't recognize him or anything, because that would be really bad.

Making his way through the neighbor hood, he kept his eyes open for…himself. That may have sounded weird, but a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do. There was no sign of him, so he made his way to Mark Diamond's house.

As he came up the steps, someone chucked a rock at him, missing by a few feet. Looking into the nearby hedge, Saint Dane came face to face with just who he was looking for.

"Pendragon, getting along alright?" He smirked.

"Stay away from them." Bobby growled. "Go away."

"Oh, what are you gonna do about it?" Saint Dane scoffed. "You go away, after all, you're the outsider now." He rang the doorbell and Bobby ducked back into the bushes.

It was Mark who entered the door. "B-Bobby!" He exclaimed. "You're back already? And why haven't you sent any journals? Man, we have a lot to tell….hold on, let me call Courtney over…." Mark was so flustered, he shut the door in his 'friend's' face and ran back inside to call the other member of the trio.

From the brush where he was hiding, Bobby laughed. "Ha, you're not getting in that easily."

"I can't help it if your little nerdy friend is mental." Saint Dane sneered.

"BASTARD!" (a/n: wow, much OOCness huh?) Bobby yelled and jumped at his enemy.

-Mark's P.O.V-

I hung up the phone after calling Courtney, and that's when I realized that I had left Bobby standing at the front door. I swore under my breath and ran back to him. When I opened the door though, there was Saint Dane again! . . . Bobby had him pinned to the sidewalk and he in a headlock.

"Man," I said, a little shocked. "This guy has really lost some of this thunder, you know? Before you came, he showed up at my grandma's house and got beat to death by my grandmother's cat and cactus and a lot of other items before he came down to the basement and claimed to be you. Then Courtney and I beat the stuffing out of him with veggies."

"Veggies?" Bobby raised an eyebrow.

"Let. Go. Of. Me." Saint Dane growled. "Mark, I'm not Saint Dane! I AM Bobby!"

Truthfully, I didn't know what to believe. I sort of believed that Saint Dane was telling the truth, and that meant that if he was I had beaten the crap out of my best friend. But if he wasn't, then what in the seven hells was wrong with him??

"Calm down, Mark," Bobby said, grinning. "He's not me. I'm m-" There was a loud bang and Saint Dane disappeared.

-Courtney and Mark's POV (Bobby is Saint Dane and Saint Dane is Bobby)-

"That was strange…" Mark said, eyeing the smoldering ground with raised eyebrows.

"Bobbyyyyyy!!!!" The two boys turned just in time for Bobby to catch Courtney. "What's up? Guess what! We beat the evil crap out of Saint Dane while you were gone."

"So I heard." Bobby said, smiling. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to see Saint Dane hiding on the other side of the street, glaring him. Bobby turned back to Courtney and said, "Hey, Baby." Before planting a serious kiss on her lips. He watched out of the corner of his eye again at his nemesis' reaction.

'Saint Dane' was fuming! He looked like he wanted to tear 'Bobby' from limb to limb before chewing up the pieces, eating them, and then barfing them up and stamping on them.

In fact, he was so angry he ran over there and punched Bobby in the face.

"Holy Shit!" Courtney ran over to Bobby, who had flown several feet.

Mark picked up some rocks and began tossing them at Saint Dane. He was getting better at blocking them though, and Mark missed about every time. The demon made his way over to the boy and grabbed his wrist.

"Listen to me." He said, panting. "Mark, listen to me. It's me, Bobby, oh God listen to me!" But by then Courtney had recovered and kicked Mark's attacker in the stomach. "Oof!" He sprawled on the ground before recovering and then he ran away, cursing.

"WHAT, is that guy's problem?" Courtney asked.

"I have no idea," Mark said, as he helped Bobby to his feet. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Bobby said, wincing a little bit. "Dang."

"You sure?" Courtney asked. Her boyfriend nodded. "Okay, then, want to go get some fries?"

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A/N: OH MY GOD THIS CHAPTER SUCKED! Sorry, but I'm really running low on ideas now.

Send me some, okay? And I think I'm gonna put Uncle P in there, but I want some ideas for his reaction to the whole deal.

And I'm making this deal on all of my stories: you don't review, I don't update.

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oh, and sorry this took so freakin long! i thought i had already put this up and stuff, and the title is true. i just got towards the middle of quillan games and i love that rhyme for some reason, even though it drives me craze. lebearge or whatever his name is reminds me of Vash the Stampede...and evil vash the stampede...

i think Uncle P may just be in bobby's dream, so then his reaction can be really OOC! (out of character)


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